a real thing

i had an honest thought last week and it's still warming my frontal lobe like embers that are plugged into the wall.

i wake up with it, i drift to it in the middle of taking a tables order, but mostly it hits me when i'm driving.

crush, for Mayacamas, ended last week and as i was driving down the mountain, on my way home for the last time in my foreseeable future, i started thinking about these deer that i'd seen one morning on the way up.

my thoughts drifted to the sunlight dappled over the round road and sweet trees that make tunnels-- 

to the stillness of the woods and depth of the mountain--

to it's timelessness--

and rather than snap back with an urge to preserve this moment, i expressly noted, to my satisfied surprise, that i don't need a photograph- that i don't need to come back, that i don't need a remembrance-

i didn't have the need to capture this feeling.

and as this sensation unwound it revealed quietly, sincerely, that this was me,

that a photo would be akin to a photo of a room placed in that same room.

everybody that knows me knows i talk a lot. i have a lot of ideas and even 37 years haven't really slowed the rate at which i expel them. and i collect. photos, words, to-do lists, movie stubs- it helps me know where i am.

suddenly it occurs to me not to press record and i'm blown away.

a hippie moment as real as my hands on the wheel. no sarcasm or disclaimer. no preservation of self, just the innate understanding that i am part of this--- 

mountain, life, now, creation, forever.

you know as i'm rereading this post it occurs to me that i may have time-travelled.

Comments

[Your Middle Brother, aka the spoiler]

I hate to spoil it but you sort of did record it with this blog entry. Don't you hate it when technology bites you in the ass?

On the other hand, the lapse in time between the actual event and the recording of the event suggests a real depth to the experience which could be evidence of a tiny fraction of nirvana seeping into your existence. Perhaps you should be recording these things?

I think you should be a turtle for Halloween. Not sure why...

Also, nice post.

[adam]

fair play brother.
we both know i'll never carry inner clarity quietly as john wayne,
but this is certainly a step towards him from donald o'conner.
come visit soon and i'll take you up to Mayacamas, show you what i'm on and on about.

and thanks for the coment

[Your Middle Brother]

I heard a lot about your harvest. I wish I was there for it.

And as far as John Wayne goes, the trick is he had no inner clarity; he was just quiet.

Also, Laura saw a Totoro.